Last September, after a shitty 3yr+ r/s
I made a wish on my 20th Birthday, to find my soulmate and succeed ahead.
December 09 was a dream come true, when I met Aloysius Teoh :)
Every X'mas, will be another year added to the day
he spoke to me on MSN for the first time.
This X'mas '10 I will b alone prolly w gfs just like last yr,
but Im attached to this awesome man.
This year 21st Birthday, I had the best wishes, company, love and everything else.
I got everything I need, I want and I would like.
I wish that on I will have a safe flight on the 30th so that I can see my love on the 31st on time :)
....
troubled mind, troubled heart.
maybe it was the anticipation that makes me jump off my bed.
thinking if i missed any call or any messages.
the anticipation is dying as well.
the anticipation is dying as well.
its not that its not normal,its just something I look forward to when I fall asleep
and sth that makes me really happy when I wake up in the morning.
audio notes makes me giggle and do self-replies
smses make me smile and happy that he thought of me
calls make me feels assured and secure.
as I type all these, tears flow, emotions overwhelmed.
I understand, I totally do, its just moment like this I wish you are realy here.
4.5 weeks is not too long, but its affecting me somewheresomehow.
I listened, I stay strong, I managed to slip by emotional moments..
but I cant do it all the time, the more I slip it off or pretend Im okay and lie to myself,
the worst I feel when all the emotions came crushing on me.
I smile to mask the pain in my heart
I laugh to conceal the tears in my eyes.
when they say to be happy or not, its a choice.
to me, happiness is you babyboy.
I smile to mask the pain in my heart
I laugh to conceal the tears in my eyes.
when they say to be happy or not, its a choice.
to me, happiness is you babyboy.
Im not trying to make a big mole of everything.
IM JUST EXPRESSING MY FEELINGS,
if you are not happy or whatever, FUCK OFF.
I went to places we used to go, I dont feel as happy anymore
I collected toys I like, but no interest to play them like how I used to.
when I see something I like, my friends tell me not to waste money
but you would catch regardless how much you'd spent if I wanted it so much.
I met Jojo on the streets the other day,
she was shocked to see me at Scape just by myself.
She said its really amazing you came out on your own today
I even took the bus down to Dhoby and mrt home.
She say this is very rare of me, I laughed feeling worst.
When things use to go wrong, I would look for you and everything will be okay.
Now I have to bear with it, and try to solve myself.
It feels good when I manage to handle it,
it feels like shit but I feel that I'm getting more independent.
On the first week you left, I went back your house thrice.
The following week till today, I have not been once ( 3rd week now)
Because I don know how much I am gonna miss you
when Im there and you are not there to hold me, to tease me
to tell me how much you love me every single night when I fall asleep in your arms
to tell me to be careful when I make trips to the kitchen or toilets
to wake me up to fragrant aloy's fried rice.
I dont care if they say aiya its just one month only,
go do some things keep busy and all you will be fine.
yes I will be fine, I know.
but its the fine part , that Im really pretending.
I know Im demanding at times
but its just me, and the way he accepts me
to be myself.
Every statement here fits me perfectly.
Katy Perry , you are getting into my good books.