MOOOODY

been rough these weeks.
stuff happens, suck it up.
I have to face it.
embracing the pain, the fear, the anger all in one.
I have to start all over again, all of what I believe vanished.
Just like that, into thin air.
and all I could do was try to grasp as much back but theres no longer a point.
It died, it was left to bleed.

The feeling that I used to have, I am looking for it.
I feel so insecure and all the promises and forever seems to be all gone.

祝我生日快乐- wen lan

SIGH.

祝我生日快乐- wen lan

我知道伤心不能改变什么
Wo zhi dao shang xin bu neng gai bian shen me
那么让我诚实一点
Na me rang wo cheng shi yi dian
诚实难免有不能控制的宣泄
Cheng shi nan mian you bu neng kong zhi de xuan xie
只有关上了门不必理谁
Zhi you guan shang le men bu bi li shei
一个人坐在空的包厢里面
Yi ge ren zuo zai kong de bao xiang li mian
手机让它休息一夜
Shou ji rang ta xiu xi yi ye
难,想切割切掉回忆的画面
Nan, xiang qie ge qie diao hui yi de hua mian
眼泪不能流过十二点
Yan lei bu neng liu guo shi er dian
生日快乐 我对自己说
Sheng ri kuai le wo dui zi ji shuo
蜡烛点了
La zhu dian le
寂寞亮了
Ji mo liang le
生日快乐
Sheng ri kuai le
泪也融了
Lei ye rong le
我要谢谢你给的你拿走的一切
Wo yao xia xia ni gei de ni na zou de yi qie
还爱你带一点恨
Hai ai ni dai yi dian hen
还要时间
Hai yao shi jian
才能平衡
Cai neng ping heng
热恋伤痕
Re lian shang hen
画面重生
Hua mian chong sheng
祝我生日快乐
Zhu wo sheng ri kuai le

Got my early 23rd Birthday Present from the boyfriend :)

The TV box which I have been dragging to get it cos it a tad exp and

I was okay with the TV channels. He's so sweet to go through the trouble and get it for me.

NCIS/CSI/FRINGE/Crime&Investigation and all the TVB show; YAY!!

He's in reservist, he managed to come back during nights off for 2 hours max, twice last week.

He said I was lucky. 

01 September is our 32 monthsary, he stayed uptill midnight just to wish me when he has IPPT at 5am     and the best part is he managed to book out and spend the night at home :)  

HAPPY MAX, had a simple take out and went out today instead for a movie date.

Now he is off back to camp again, and we texted till almost 2 am, when he got to wake up at 5am.

He couldnt fall asleep, neither could I and he knows I have trouble sleeping without him.

Pampered, stickybaby yeah this is me :)

This week is BIRTHDAYWEEK!

Everyyear, its like a weekly affair. But not this time, its gonna be real simple.

First the boyfriend wont be able to book out as my actual day is Friday itself.

He might be able to come back on Sat and Sun :) which I wont complain la..

although I am abit sore and upset over it. If Friday night he can book out I will be even HAPPIER!

Monday/Wednesday is no travel day

Gonna repair my back/waist with Shifu and dye my hair on Tuesday.

Meeting Pearl and Yinxia gf for buffet lunch and movie date and cut hair on Thursday:)

Jojo and Juju took off on my actual day to go to the ZOO, 

we are gonna have jungle breakfast with orangutans and enjoy our morning/day in the zoo.

Most probably meeting Mummy for dinner on friday evening, and head back home to accompany Boyboy  .

So he is gone for reservist. 3 weeks.
Probably not booking out at all.

tears just got overwhelming and keep flowing and flowing like nobody business.
which also meant this week's 32 months anniversary and  my birthday next week he cant celebrate with me, although he gave me my pressie already. Urgh nobody will treat me like a princess for the next three weeks alr.

assumption kills,

one of what I do alot and so do many others.

my heart felt it had stopped and dropped dead this afternoon.

that anger and emotion overwhelming myself that I couldn't even control.

sometimes I even asked myself, omg mich:

"how did you even do it."

"how did you even manage to calm down."

"how did you even manage to swallow and ask qns."

"how did you even manage not to walk out of that door."

'how did you even manage to put back that smile of yours within minutes."

"why did you even do that"

"why did you not do that"

"why you dont ....... etc!!!"

and to think I thought I was trying to control, to think rationally..

yet sometimes, the more I think, the worst it gets, tears just keep on rolling,

like a fucking tap with no knob to off it.

then the headache comes, followed by the block nose.

all I wanted was a hug, 2 panadols, tissues and sleep (well, thats how I roll it)

and I will wake up pretending everything DID NOT happen, or just act stupid and not know about/remember it ( trust me, Im that good at that till sometimes I really cant rmb why I cry in the first place)

I always believe in some things that many has given up on, and personally, I almost gave up as well, on the tip of falling as Im saying. Things such as hugs and kisses, endearment, memories, love, faith, trust, chances and the words "together forever" 

To me, old fashion or what, your tai ji, because to me "One and Only" is really "the one and only girl you love, you kiss, you dote on, you get angry but still forgive, telling her not to push you away because you will be damn worried and upset, not lying to, or even so admit and all is forgiven and never use special words or moments you have between each other for other purposes ( unless common words please -.- I talking about special feelings tt kind). 

I always have this fear that the "Special feelings for certain special words or actions" will disappear, because once it happen, IT FUCKING HAPPENS, ITS LIKE BOOM BAMMMM WHOO GONE WITH A SNAP OF YOUR FINGERS WITH IMMEDIATE EFFECT AND ITS GONE FOREVER. Like no matter what you do, how you apologise and whatever happens, that will never come back. 

Even if everything moves on and all, sorry my dear, when you think about it.. for me I will xin suan suan, like whatever is precious and whatever to me meant the world, EVEN THE SLIGHTEST THING, ITS GONE FOREVER, and my tears might roll, my anger might spike, I wish I beg that it didnt happen.. but no sorry hor, byebye also means forever.

But always rmb this, everything takes two hands to clap, so yeah I blame myself too for whatever takes place/happen.

That to say, today I finally gave up on one thing, I think(trying to convince myself not to)

Its not trust, not faith.. these are things I will always believe in and bring around me.

but this one thing that Im  giving up, is the biggest and the strongest belief I have in, and it shatters me to even take time to pause and think that is this all worth it.. and suddenly I feel actually Im nothing.. nothing without it.

Damn, its already 5:48am, yet to sleep. Cant sleep after what happened today.

Cant believe my limit is just this pathetic..ARGH!!!! I am very very tired.. I suck k.

they say Im naive, still believe in all those shit.

hello Im 23 years old in a month's time.

you think I cant think? I know what you wanna tell me, wo ye shi guo lai ren.

I know who truly loves me once, cheated me before, or made use of me. 

I just.. at times choose to believe what I want to because there are too many things that this world will never see except me, all they know is who what when where how but no not the details. 

damn, emosai.

anyway, tc.

Killiney Kopitiam standard seems to drop a little since I last had my curry chicken and mee siam.

I tried to control, I did.

But when I see it blinking,

it all starts all over again,

from the start.

Last 5 months have been an emotional roller-coaster, I can say.

Have not done flea market for a very long time, because of the studies & the full time job.
We are finally having a flea market tomorrow! <3 yay! 26 May @ S*CAPE.

School came and go, so was TMAs and Exams. TSK next semester in JULY.

Went to Hongkong :) Rainy but not bad, had a lot of yummmmmy food with the B!
Shopping wasn't that much because we are only on a really short trip, damn sian I know.
What to know only 10 days annual leave.

Had a good time at Disneyland though, doing pin trading! Hunting for Winnie Poohs, heard from B that LA disneyland is even more active on pin trading with the visitors, for HK its their staffs.
<3 collected quite a few nice ones and definitely not missing my Pooh Ride, which thankfully we got the star pass which has priority to the most popular rides in here and once again got cheated to sit an indoor roller-coaster.

Catching up with DVDs omg, the best ever therapy for me! Not facials or massages but DVDs and of course traveling!!

Got the job at BTHR, oh please never join this company!
Imagine 3 Coordinators and 1 executive quitting in the same month.
No 13th Month pay/bonus , only 10 days annual leave, 4 to 6 months probation, MC during this period = No pay Leave, 4 days exam leave a year -.-, work from 830 am to 6/630pm, 5 days work week, oh they give you this 2000usd credit for staying their hotels in the world, not including taxes, air tickets and others( work at least 1 year), loads of shit, LOW PAY whats worst, hypocrites who do not appreciate what their assistants do for them, shitass only complain and say people lazy nothing to do and all. OH PLEASE, coordinators are leaving because of this workload and miserable pay. THEY DONT TREAT YOU LIKE A COORDINATOR AT ALL, THEY TREAT YOU LIKE A MAID OR MAYBE A DOG. Because simple tasks like taking a few brochures, when its just very near them or changing a ppt title, they have to ask you to do when they can do it within seconds(already on their comp) and opening the PPT each time takes 15 mins. URGH forget it, because in here I also got to know really nice people.

16 days after NewYear,

Last year today we were in JAPAN ready to be back home!

Year 2011, started with a BANG! having countdown in NYC,

and 3 weeks of tour between NYC and TOKYO. 

Had my first Xmas with him in 2011 as well.

Counted down in our room this year, to our 2 years anniversary.

Got proposed under a mistletoe, with a very cute blinking pooh ring! HAHA.

 MY FAVORITE PEOPLE OF 2011 & MANY MORE TO COME!

She's expecting again! Another god child for me:) 

* miss you, its been 6 almost 7 years*

   <3 My mummy and Love, thank you for being so 

understanding and always being there for me.

  Thank you grandpa for staying alive and always making me laugh whenever I see you :)

Thank you daddy for all that you have gave although you are quite a pain sometimes :p

--

PEARL JIE, this year you are a NAUGHTY girl, but still I LOVE YOU.

and as promised I will always be here, and listen to whatever you need to pour out with.

Though you are stubborn at times, but I am glad most of the times, you heeded my advice.

I love you and may you be filled with love and happiness and no more worthless tears to be shed.

Thank You Twinnie, for always being there no matter where or when.

Even when we are like far away from each other, you being in UK and me here,

The difference of 7 hours, thank you for being the nicest sweetest and most patient

advisor,business partner and girlfriend. Cant wait for you to be back!

Finally Stephgf has a BOYFRIEND,though we met only three to four times in 2011.

But it was good enough for much catch up and much love to be shared.

To my dearest JOJO and JUJU, the true love , pure tender loving care of a friendship through these years, 

were given to me by you two, always looking out and encouraging and motivating me no matter what I do.

2011 we break record! we met 4 times instead of just 3, this year more okays!

Hugs my dearest workaholics.

*Newest addition to the favourite list*

LIM HAI PING!

Thank you babe for being so nice and patient with me,

helping me during my flea markets and accompanying me when I'm lonely.

:) thank you for intro-ing me jobs, and telling me alot of DA DAO LI, 

which I know but never fully experience and understand it. 

May we be working in the same office, since we are going to the same school

,continue to spend more time together and do well in your business interest!

and last but not least YOU! LIL BRAT! 

<3 thank you for showing me what is endless love,

and whats forgiveness and happiness is all about.

You have given me a much wider view of life.

Thank you and I love you always now and forever.

Always by your side.

--

Went to BALI, got cheated at the airport, 

had a great Italian dinner, met great people. Fell sick too!

 

Resolution 2012: REALISTIC GOALS

• Getting my very first full time job
• Exercise Regularly
• Shower lots of love for my dearest Boy Boy
• Do more flea markets
• Spending more time with Mom :)
• Start another business by the end of the year
• Be a good girlfriend and girl-friend
• Planning our future and balloting for house
• 
  

Yours Truly,

Am just back from BKK,

had a great interview, hoping to get the job :)

much love!

missingpieces.

  What happened to the good o' days?

Unworthiness sets in leading to confusion and frustration

Ever notice how rejected I feel?

 The hopelessness  and the rejection, it hurts

Blow away the self esteem with the strong wind out there.

 I don’t know what to do about it anyway

I pretend I am alright, what can I do?

I don't  feel like moving forward anymore,

I feel like backing out slowly, run away 

to that corner where no one else will never 

see me ever again.

Relationships & Break-ups

 Recently two of my girlfriends broke up with their almost "the one" boyfriends.

2 years and 5 years respectively, both had different situations, different takes.

Yet both the girlfriends and the ex-boyfriends of theirs

were in your term "very nice person,lover and friend" and yet this happens.

Was it the wrong person at the wrong time? or the right person at the wrong time?

Both relationship parties has made their decisions, both affects my view on a lasting r/s

but still I hope they all make the right choices and move on with life.

What about mine? Dont worry, everything is good :)

Relationships, whether they last 2 years or a lifetime,are all opportunities to experience love on its many different levels. We learn the things we love about ourselves, the things we'd like to change, and the qualities and values we look for in a partner.Loving relationships teach us self-respect as well as respect for other, which is one of the most fulfilling things we can have in our lives.

However, all betrayal is ultimately self betrayal.

When we refuse to see certain aspects in another or in a situation,

it is the denial of that truth that betrays us. Dont start blaming the other partner when its your own fault.

Dont make yourself the victim when you are not.

   

 You need two people who treat each other with love,

affection, respect, and support, and have a commitment to each other.

3 most important qualities of a relationship but easier said, than done.

Attraction is the "chemistry" part of love.

 Closeness is the bond that develops when we share thoughts& feelings that we don't share with anyone else. 

Commitment is the promise or decision to stick by the other person through the ups and downs of the relationship

To me in a relationship, I feel  whats important is to give and take, share your feelings between each other and always be there to listen, support and care. These are the little things, that might not require too much of an effort but still many cant do it.

From my view, LOVE is very beautiful, to be in a relationship with someone you love makes the circle complete. I have never stop believing in love neither have I doubt it. Its not a job but yet a commitment.
So, if you cant commit, dont do it. Someone will  get hurt.


~
To me, this is forever. Simple like that.

   

Christmas.
Gifts.
Wish Upon A Tree.

Have you started to get gifts?

This year will be my first Xmas with Bf,

though we been together almost 2 years now.

Where should we go?

Did you know that I only got to know him on Xmas Day 2009, itself?

Best Xmas Present :) Ever.

*Yums to the boy's lovely cooking skills.

Oh especially the home marinated garlic pork chop slices,

YOU WILL NEVER GET IT ANYWHERE! SUPER YUMS!

WE HAD THAT FOR LIKE 4 MEALS IN A ROW.

:) simple meal makes me feel loved just like that!

We went shopping at Centrepoint after visitng his mom at the hospital,

and we found out a secret *shhhh*  as much as I want to tell you,

I CANT, because the person who lose out will be ME!

tsk.

Bought this Foot Mask Gel Exfoilation TO REVEAL BABY SKIN!

which came in this very cute plastic wrappers and they provide you scotch tapes

 as you can see with the word "TAPE"

Its claimed to be No.1 in Japan, costing 29.90sgd

I was tempted and yet a lil heartache to spend on this.

I wanted to try this out first and see if it works bfore getting one for the boy to use it.

Its easy to use!

 First: Shower, wipe your feet dry, do not apply any moisturiser.

Second: Wear this pair of wrappers and tape it well to your feet!

Third: SOAK FOR 2 HOURS

( DO NOT ATTEMPT TO WALK, ITS TOO SLIPPERY!)

You will be tempted to take it off after an hour because 2 hours is toooooo long but NO DONT DO IT!!

Fourth: You cant wait to go to the toilet and wash it off with SOAP, dry it properly, if its looking a lil red dont worry! and shoo off you go to do whatever you need to do.

NOTE: Result is to appear 2 to 7 days later depending on individuals.

I will update the photos if they start peeling to reveal baby skin!

Do not apply any cream/ moisturisers during this period,

if your skin is too dry, just a lil moisture will do.

Emotions.

The emotion scars from all the hurt from the past,
seems to creep back at me since last night till now at the very least.

Its like half of me, feeling all the anger and revengeful
 and the other half is in fear of feeling the same pain.
Its funny how, it doesnt bother/affect me for a few years,
but yet when it happens, everything happened the week before.

Homecooked!

Bought from The Rail Mall Cold Storage!

Expensive but fresh!

We bought a striplon & tenderloin meat, marinated :) freshly at the available marinating station, so by the time we brought it home it's almost an hour of marination: ready to cook!!

Got corn bits and French garlic sausages which was awesomely yummmmy! Cooked pasta for the next day meal too!

Toasted Baby potatoes with herbs and olive oil *yums*

Julia dear's birthday

HAPPY 23rd JUJU :)

We went to Medz, a marche-like restaurant at orchard central to nomnomnom! We spent the longest time together today till both Jojo and I are zZz!

The crushed potatoe $3 with maincourse roasted chicken.

Tasted so good we ordered another serving of crushed potatoes!

Busy nom-ing dearest gfs of mine!

much love! I love how we take time off, take leaves just to meet up and be happy together!

22nd

Happy 22nd Anniversary, my boy.

Just what was I thinking ?

It rained huge yesterday, we went on the bike and it felt cold,
scary yet secretly shiok and fun
*eye stares from the bf, FUN?! he would ask me to be the one riding see fun not*


I want to travel more but yet tight with monetary factors* and wishhhhh-ed at times, I get to be more pampered by my parents to sponsor me to go.

BTW who says I wear black only, 2 years back I wear alot colors okay!

Dying wish (BUT bf say Im travelling too much):
and my heart went, what's this compared to last year ( batam/genting/bangkok/a week newyork) 
this year was just tokyo(sch) for 2 weeks/batam/bali (work -1.5 day)/bangkok (work -2 days), then this "HAHAHA " feeling came, almost the same la, just that this year I spent a lil on MBS stay on my bday but I SWEAR ITS TOTALLY WORTH IT!!! - FREE UPGRADE LEH.

1. Going to London in Dec and crash twinnie's place, have ultimate fun in winter and shop together :)
2. Hokkaido tour in Dec, with Ziyin,Jonard,April,Samuel,Sean,Yinxia and their siblings ( only 1 of them had to pay herself ... the rest parents' sponsored, obviously their parents were going together and I WISHED even if my mom -,- had to come, yes I WANT TO GO. but 2.7k - 1 week , no aint worth it. 

Germany Factory Outlet Store

btw, I have grown 15kg beyond this picture
( with ziyin, we hardly knew each other then, we have not even spoke yet, 

but both our moms made us take together)
because I have not met the BEST SUPPER CHEF, yet

seriously his fried rice and random recipes, totally yummilicious.

I think its genes,really, they all have recipes of their own.TSK.

Teehee, meeting Stephie this weekend for lunch, a super uber post celebration for my b'day as well. And Pearl this thursday, we used to meet alt days or weekends or sth! This year I saw her only once and thats pretty much Most OF MY GIRLFRIENDS, ONCE?! ARE YOU ALL THAT BUSY! OR AM I TOO SICKLY ?! The most I met was twinnie cos she was only back for 2 months, and we had work to do so yeah.

<3 Bf's birthday present came early ( finally arrived after months)
: Got him the Monster Beats Turbine Copper Earphones 

( marketrate about 600+, got it at a gd price hehehe or else I DIE ALSO WONT BUY,
 about half the rate? Dont worry not fake, and it was sealed tight and verified with warranty)

 and also his new razer keyboard.

I don't mind, since I only get him gifts once a year, which includes valentines',
 anniversaries (11 mini and 1 big a year) and birthday.

Okay,now I sound stingy! $#%@!!!

<3 new storybook