Situations are getting very complicated

There are so much for me to do and let people know

I am not sure what to say 

everytime they asked, what are  you thinking ?

why are you in daze? are you okay?

I dont want them to feel sorry for me.

I want them to know that Im trying very hard to be okay.

I dont want to keep from them but yet by doing so

Im gonna hurt them real bad one day.

PS: I miss my boy very very much <3 Merry Xmas everyone.

if you thought taking pills, on a daily basis was easy.

every pill represents a statement in life.

Thank you gfs, for such a sweet and simple christmas :)

It never felt better! 

 The Cake I bought from Swiss Bake

Polaroid<3

where are you this x'mas?

will you remember this special day?

we will build snowmen together soon.

yes i love you.

together forever

because every single bit of you.

<3 laogong. see you in a week:) 

How would I know if I will be the last girl, if he loves me the most ? 

All that I am.I don't quite know.How to say.How I feel
Those three words are said too much. They're not enoughI need your grace.To remind me To find my ownIf I lay here.If I just lay here.Would you lie with me.And just forget the world?
All that I ever was. Is here in your perfect eyes.They're all I can see


chasing cars. snow patrol.

Well, you drive me crazy half the time
The other half I'm only trying
To let you know that what I feel is true
And I'm only me when I'm with you

Just a small town boy and girl
Living in the crazy world
Trying to figure out what is and isn't true

And I don't try to hide my tears
The secrets, all my deepest fears
Through it all nobody gets me like you do
And you know everything about me


Controlling of emotions got haywired in between.
As we watch the world ,
I’d pray, hoping that this moment lasts.
It’s hard not to laugh out loud baby when you crack a joke.
We can speak, we can dream,
This is our time, you and me

You’ve got me smiling, got me thinking that I’ve got it all.
As we watch the world outside the window past,
I’d pray, hoping that this moment lasts.

actually I am not that sweet

I am not that nice.

I am not that guailan

I am not that petty.

its just you, the only one who can bring out the maximum in me.

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around.

You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and 

they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more.

You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement.

They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. * HOW TRUE!

There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are.

The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all.

A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. 

 

You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart,
you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible.

You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.

Bob Marley

Last September, after a shitty 3yr+ r/s 

I made a wish on my 20th Birthday, to find my soulmate and succeed ahead.

December 09 was a dream come true, when I met Aloysius Teoh :) 

Every X'mas, will be another year added to the day

 he spoke to me on MSN for the first time.

This X'mas '10 I will b alone prolly w gfs just like last yr,

 but Im attached to this awesome man.

This year 21st Birthday, I had the best wishes, company, love and everything else.
I got everything I need, I want and I would like.
I wish that on I will have a safe flight on the 30th so that I can see my love on the 31st on time :)
....


troubled mind, troubled heart.

maybe it was the anticipation that makes me jump off my bed.

thinking if i missed any call or any messages.
the anticipation is dying as well.

its not that its not normal,its just something I look forward to when I fall asleep

and sth that makes me really happy when I wake up in the morning.

audio notes makes me giggle and do self-replies

smses make me smile and happy that he thought of me

calls make me feels assured and secure.

as I type all these, tears flow, emotions overwhelmed.

I understand, I totally do, its just moment like this I wish you are realy here.

4.5 weeks is not too long, but its affecting me somewheresomehow.

I listened, I stay strong, I managed to slip by emotional moments..

but I cant do it all the time, the more I slip it off or pretend Im okay and lie to myself,

the worst I feel when all the emotions came crushing on me.


I smile to mask the pain in my heart
I laugh to conceal the tears in my eyes.


when they say to be happy or not, its a choice.
to me, happiness is you babyboy.

Im not trying to make a big mole of everything.

IM JUST EXPRESSING MY FEELINGS,

if you are not happy or whatever, FUCK OFF.

I went to places we used to go, I dont feel as happy anymore

I collected toys I like, but no interest to play them like how I used to.

when I see something I like, my friends tell me not to waste money

but you would catch regardless how much you'd spent if I wanted it so much.

I met Jojo on the streets the other day,
she was shocked to see me at Scape just by myself.
She said its really amazing you came out on your own today
I even took the bus down to Dhoby and mrt home.
She say this is very rare of me, I laughed feeling worst.

When things use to go wrong, I would look for you and everything will be okay.

Now I have to bear with it, and try to solve myself. 

It feels good when I manage to handle it,

it feels like shit but I feel that I'm getting more independent.

On the first week you left, I went back your house thrice.

The following week till today, I have not been once ( 3rd week now)

Because I don know how much I am gonna miss you 

when Im there and you are not there to hold me, to tease me 

to tell me how much you love me every single night when I fall asleep in your arms

to tell me to be careful when I make trips to the kitchen or toilets

to wake me up to fragrant aloy's fried rice.

I dont care if they say aiya its just one month only,

go do some things keep busy and all you will be fine.

yes I will be fine, I know.

but its the fine part , that Im really pretending.

I know Im demanding at times

but its just me, and the way he accepts me 

to be myself.

Yes this is me, I let my emotions get the best of me.
Every statement here fits me perfectly.

Katy Perry , you are getting into my good books.

Fight for the things you love ♥

Love the things worth fighting for.

and 

The memories is a way of holding on to the things

That happen between you and me ♥

Things you have, things you love and the things you never want to lose.

 just the thought of me seeing you in less than 3 weeks,

gets me through each day.

ONE MILLION FEELINGS

ONE THOUSAND THOUGHTS

A HUNDRED MEMORIES

all for one person.

who seldom read this space.

Aint in the best of moods.

Besides thinking of money, its more money.

They think I am enjoying life.

They think I am born with a silver spoon

They always say Im never need to do this or that.

You're wrong.

You dont have to buy branded goods for me

You dont have to shower me with many things

Just your concern and love will do

and its TRUE.

Thats  me when I was much younger:)

Bookings for flea market dates are also like a battle with other competitors.

ARGH everything is via email and black white documents.

I WONDER WHY CANT everything be via online/email

including payments and their damn refunds.

They refund me in a cheque, I cheque in, take out the same amount,

go down and pass to them, and for every date, it repeats the entire circle.
AGAIN AND AGAIN.

yes to the only ones who held on to the very end.

to those facing r/s break ups during this period 

just like how I did last year, let me tell you something.

KEEP THE FAITH! Dont hate love and something good is on your way.

Because on XMAS DAY itself, my current boyfriend, 

msg me on msn for the very first time and he was the best present ever!

To Aloysius Teoh:

and of cos I had amazing girlfriends with me:)

THANKYOUSTEPHCHIANG,TRACYZHANG&MICHIETWINNIE.

suddenly, im having a bad view of.. nvm.

For you are the one

Who makes me whole

You've captured my heart

And touched my soul. 

For you are the one

That stepped out of my dreams

Gave me new hope

Showed me what love means.

For you alone

Are my reason to live

For the compassion you show

And the care that you give. 

You came into my life

And made me complete

Each time I see you

My heart skips a beat. 

For you define beauty

In both body and mind

Your soft, gentle face

For you are the one

God sent from above

The angel I needed

For whom I do love

being with my girlfriends , just my girls. 

is a different thing, especially those I have.

we do not meet everyday, or week. 

we meet occasionally

some only 3 times a year to be exact ( JoJo/JuJu)

Julia and Joanna are girls that I knew from french class,

we studied our tests, we supported each other in various ways.

we care for each other, we are each other listening ears.

the two of them are very very busy bees, workaholic I can say,

but they always make an effort to meet up during our birthdays :) 

that explains the 3 times a year meet up:)

The friendships remain close to our hearts.

Days have been challenging.
My physiological equilibrium  is challenged almost everyday.
The physical, mental, and emotional strain gave me pounding headache.
Exhausting it is.

Jitterbugger, thats what Baby called me.
The older I got, the more worrying I get.
About this this this and that that that
Dearest has to always remind me to calm down
and I will be okay!

I'm in this sticky predicament, like being trapped in a quicksand,
such that the more u struggle, the faster u die.
I know that i have been getting increasingly depressed

I want to get my mind off bad thoughts, think happy.

BANGKOK TRIP with Mummy

 

Day 1 with Mummy with a fever of 38 degree!

Life 's Simple Pleasures.

Miss hiding like this , and sleep soundly with you!

miss the days you towel dry my hair for the pampered me!

:) yummy yummy, how I missed it much.

:( makes me cry once again. sigh.

Baby, sorry I was wrong about you know what.

I believe in us, and always do, cant wait to see you veryverysoon!

He never fails to make me feel that its alright to be who I am

its okay to be sick and show that Im not in a good mood 

or whatsoever. He's a very good lover and he dotes on me alot.

I dont wish to get separated with him this long anymore because

the feeling apart is not nice at all.

Back from Bkk, still sick.

But its good to see my mom slightly happier than ever.

She bought alot of stuff for me ( but she nag abt it for the whole of 5d4n)

- air tickets

- hotel

- food

- some stuff

Will blog about the trip soon, cos its their KING's BIRTHDAY, we saw their magnificent celebration, and they had 3 public holidays = alot of sales esp at ROBINSONS, which I bought like 5 bras at 30% to 60% great cutting and unique ( cos singapore dont have)

Amazed by how the Thais get even more promotion, esp when mummy speak thai, alot of things half price.

BUT WELL, I got sicker as day passes by, SHUCKS.

I wish I was much better, cos mum got angry when I couldnt walk anymore

feeling damn sian and tired , due to medicine and all, one ear in, one ear out.

cos she didnt know I wasnt well. 

Went with a 22 kg luggage, came back with 52kg luggages. 

:)

i miss aloysius teoh chia yong fucking much.

23 more days

although xmas present is here, but I dont feel christmasy at all.

note to self:

treasure what I have now

dont take things for granted

care for the people who loves

dont bother about others who dont

everything will be just fine in a few moments

just be patient and I will be in his arms again

cos its getting on tough,

the more I need to persevere.

HAPPY11thMONTHS

甜言蜜语就不说了

:D your sweetest tender loving care has 

never failed to make me feel happiness

is still revolving, sweetness is still around

when you are half way around the globe.

thank you for everything you have done for me.

I heart you.

pampered pampered.

I am damn pampered. 

gosh when is my laogong meeting me again.

I want to be pampered.